The big move was approaching. I couldn’t cope, I had no energy. Even though C and S insisted on me buying a new bed, because so many ugly things happened in the old one, I didn’t sleep at night. I had anxiety. I was awoken by the faintest sound, and I woke up with irregular heartbeat and shortness of breath. I didn’t want to remember, but couldn’t forget. Was it rape if you were going out? I did say no, and fought back. I cried, but quickly learned that that meant a scolding the next day. It ruined it for him. I pretended not to be tere.
We were busy at the company. Learning from last season’s fiasco, C and I decided to go to China to watch the collection be produced. We had to leave for 10 days, right before the move. My mother and sister offered to pack up my apartment, clean it and make it ready to vacate. They were lifesavers! As I arrived home, two days before the move, everything but my new bed and some crockery was packed up. There was a letter. The move had been postponed for two weeks. Shiiiiiiit. I looked around at all the boxes. And what about New Years? We had already invited everyone. They let us move in on December 30th. I was touched by how many came to help. The next night we rang in the new year and I truly believed in a brighter and better future.
I was still waking up at night. To my horror, they had put up sawdust wallpaper. Besides finding it incredibly ugly, the bumps in the wallpaper turned in to boils and pimples at night. I tried to scratch them off, but there were too many. I cried out of desperation. Night after night. In the morning I saw the scratches on the wall and my broken nails. My Seroguel was increased, but it didn’t help. I started fearing the nights more and more. I was SO tired.
We got closer to fashion week and this time we HAD to perform. That much we knew. We’d gotten agents in London and New York. It was our most complete collection to date. And the biggest. We sold more than usual at the fashion fair, but for us the hard work began in the following weeks. We were busy and we worked hard. We believed in the project. I had just come out from an appointment with PC when C called. Something is going on here. The investor is in a meeting with lawyers and such, I think they want to close us down! WHAT??? I hurried to Soeborg. I felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest. 5 years of hard work and everything we’d been through. Was this really the end?
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