Summer had just begun, the year was 2006 and I was 30 years old. We were busy at the company, as the fashion fair got closer. The weather was brilliant and the people of Copenhagen were thirsty, which also made us busy at the cafe I managed. I worked hard, but I also needed time for a social life. There was little time for sleeping. I worked to the max, went out often and didn’t sleep.
I was actually afraid to go to sleep at night. Flashbacks and scenes from my relationship to M, played out as soon as I closed my eyes and I was awoken by the faintest sound. It had been 2 years since the final text, and he had kept his word and not contacted me. I was free when I worked, but trapped in hell at night.
I suffered from irregular heartbeat most of my waking hours. Sometimes it got so bad, that I lost my vision and started shaking. One day it got very bad while I was in the basement underneath our shop, where we had our workshop. C called my parents who came and picked me up and took me home to Albertslund, where they were living. I promised them to go to the doctor, but since I was reluctant, my father promised to go with me. At first I was sent to a lab in the city, to have my blood drawn and an ECG. I was so nervous. I was certain my heart was done. What else could it be?
The next week we went back to get the results. When we entered the doctors office, there were two pieces of paper on the table. A referral to a psychiatrist and a prescription for antidepressants. You have stress and anxiety! Thus began a journey, which would turn out to be very long.